Discerning my Vocation -- Another impossible task

Every few weeks it seems like I sit back and think what is my vocation? Am I fulfilling it to the best of my ability or am I doing too many other things that drag me away from the core of it?

I've been reading this book I think it is called A Time for Writing which I don't have on hand right now and couldn't locate on Amazon -- but anyhoo, and have been thinking how I can include writing into my day and not completely startle the natives, a.k.a. the family, and deciding that getting up early in the morning would probably be best. Then I woke up this morning (same time as usual I'm not starting this until after the holidays)and was sure that writing is not part of my vocation and that I should just shelve the idea and concentrate on home and hearth. Fine... went most of the morning thinking that this is what the Good Lord put me on earth for exclusively. Great. Then by this afternoon I email a friend and I have that old feeling again -- running through story ideas, thinking of characters, you know the usual suspects when it comes to fiction writing. It begins to creep up on me again. Maybe it is just a need to impress people with my credentials or the need to think that beneath the surface I'm more complicated than I appear. An ego thing or a pride thing or a lack of faith in God's plan thing. Uggh! I wish I understood all of this.

Maybe just wanting to concentrate on family takes the pressure off having to do more outside my comfort zone. Maybe though, and this is possible, concentrating on home is actually very difficult and thinking about being a writer is a fantasy that takes the heat off the present moment.

Maybe I'll make this my request during the Advent Season to discern my vocation. Here is a St. Andrew's Feast Day Christmas Novena
I'll leave it to Anne from Under Her Starry Mantle
to help you out with all the details. I'm learning right along with you.

And I understand the irony of writing about not writing. Yeah, I get that too.